Doesn't it seem as if everyone is never satisfied with themselves or what they have?

Like everyone has a filter in their heads filtering out all of what they have compared to so many others and all that remains is what others have that they don't?

It seems as if we've landed in this frame of mind where we're never content with what we have and we always long for what we can't have.

I would like to believe that I don't fall into this category, yet I do. I am content with where I'm at, all that I have been blessed with and all that I have achieved, but something that has been embedded in me feels missing...

Ever since that one day I was forced to change seats in class due to malfunctioning computers, or how my heart likes to view it: fate, I've built up something inside of me that I cannot seem to get rid of no matter how hard I try. I feel like a part of me was taken away in which I never got back. I tried to go on pretending that this void wasn't there and that I was just making it all up in my mind. I HAD to go on pretending that this void wasn't there... I was basically forced to due to the circumstances that I was faced with. I began telling myself that any signs that came up where just figments of my imagination.

It's hard to explain exactly how it feels or even more so, what it is. But whatever it is has caused me to feel the most vulnerable I have ever felt in my life. This has inhibited me from seeing if the signs were more than just my imagination. All the fabrications seemed to get mixed up with the truth and it has blurred everything to the point where I feel the whole thing wasn't even real.

More than anything else, I feel like I don't belong there... It's been so long that I no longer know whether my assumptions are even plausible.


If you've never been in a situation like this, then I will try to put it in the simplest of terms.

It feels like I'm running the wrong way through a moving walkway in the airport trying to reach my terminal...my destination. I am waiting to embark on this new journey. Walking one step forward just brings me two steps back. People keep standing and blocking my way as I try to push through. It's almost as if they are intentionally trying to keep me from getting there.

I want to get there so bad...this paradise that I now realize was just a mirage.

I want to...


but I don't know if I ever will.